Monday, 23 November 2009

WIGAN CHAIRMAN INSTALLS SHARK TANK

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http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/sport-headlines/wigan-chairman-installs-shark-tank-200911232248/

THE chairman of Wigan Athletic is to install a tank full of sharks under the home dressing room in a bid to sharpen his squad's competitive instincts.

Following the team's thrashing by Tottenham Hotspur of all people, Dave Whelan warned that instead of half-time substitutions and three weeks in the reserves, under-performing players will simply drop through a trap door and be ripped apart and devoured within seconds.

Whelan said: "When you're paying out more than £1m a week in wages to a group of supposedly well-trained professionals it is reasonable to expect those professionals not to lose nine fucking one.

"To that end, I'll be fitting car bombs to their Aston Martins, hiring Ninjas to lurk in the dark corners of their mock-Tudor mansions and each training session will end with the re-enactment of one of my favourite scenes from The Deer Hunter. Didi mao anyone?

"And to all those who say 'oh come on Dave, they tried their best' I would simply reply 'Tottenham Hotspur'.

"If it had been Man United or Chelsea then I'd have probably gone for a tank full of electric eels - a nasty shock, but nothing fatal. But I'm afraid losing 9-1 to Spurs means that someone has to die."

He added: "While you're here, meet Brian, our new assistant manager. He's a four-year-old male leopard with anger management issues, an empty stomach and electrodes stapled to his knackers.

"I dare you to let him down."


Morg (putting his body armour on)
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11 comments:

Anti-gag said...

Hi Morg,

I'm getting a lot of anonymous comments left on the Lancaster blog about this latest hacking of emails from one single research group at the University of East Anglia. Now let me say straight off here I'm not jumping the gun and rejecting this event as obviously a set up job to discredit science, however if we am going to be opened minded we should not dismiss that possibility either.

Let's look at what we were told (say 6 or 7 years ago) would be the near term (1-10 years) effects of Climate Change, wetter summers and warmer winters. Also what I think many people expected was a stepping up by the vested Oil interests to defend their profits. And this is exactly (or in the recent email incident may be) consistent with what we are seeing now.

:Northeast Passage open to commercial shipping for the first time ever this summer.
:Record rainfall levels (resulting in 6 bridges being swept away, and many other damaged, in Cumbria).
:Record numbers of Hurricanes and intensity in the Caribbean and Southern USA. (Kitrina, Ike, Wilma, Rita, Frances, Charley, Ivan, Gustav and Jeanne, all within the last 5 years).

And now we should be asking: "Are we seeing the last of those predictions coming true?"

Now I'm not accusing any single scientist of knowingly being part of an attempt to fog the issue or deliberately mislead the public on the subject. But given the hype being given to this latest release of emails (all genuine or cleverly seeded we don’t' yet know), seems to be the type of fightback one would have expected from the trillion dollar oil industry.

My point here is: let's not jump to conclusions before we know all the facts. Of course I have to accept that may well be very hard for anyone living in Cumbria to do

From
Chris Hill
(Lancaster)

Bertie_Bert said...

Nick Griffin European Parliament on climate change. 24 nov 09

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mT02uJ9gUM

Sir Henry Morgan said...

The N/E passage has been open to commercial shipping since 1935. FACT.

Now stop trolling .

Sir Henry Morgan said...

Oil interests/other inputs to Climate research opposing AGW theories - $23 million.

U.S. government/other inputs to climate research supporting AGW - $79 Billion.

Stop trolling

Go find your own links for the above. I'm wasting no more of my time on this. When I post on climate, comment on climate; otherwise leave it alone.

Sir Henry Morgan said...

And you're getting no anonymous comment from me.

I'm lots of things, many of them bad, but liar isn't one of them.

Sir Henry Morgan said...

The leaked emails are trivia - entertaining trivia sure - but still trivia.

The real killer is in the leaked computer code for their (and by extension the IPCC's) computer models.

Note how the beeb and the G, for example, are trying to focus all attention on the emails. That's because they want to distract us from the computer code.

Sir Henry Morgan said...

Oh - and the data itself - it was selected to show a pre-ordained result. That is NOT how science is done. Refusing requests for the raw data is also NOT how science is done.

And with these leaks, it becomes apparent why they hid both the data and the codes.

It appears (so far - this may change), that all the warming they claim for the 21st century comes from the data from exactly ONE tree.

This is going to be bigger than Watergate (to those old enough to remember that).

And when the whole business is settled, a tear or two down the line, all the AGW enthusiasts are going to be saying "What, Me? No no no no I'm not one of those who even believed it, never mind tried to sucker others into believing it. What do you think I am - gullible or something?".

I think I'll post a link to The Skeptics Handbook" next.

We skeptics don't claim anything - the world may be warming or it may be cooling (it isn't static, and that's for sure), all we're saying is that it isn't antropogenic, whatever's happening - it's just natural, normal change. If you want to convince us the change is anthropogenic, then the onus is on you to provide the untainted evidence needed to convince us. We take the Null Hypothesis, and therefore we can just sit back and watch your antics.

Sir Henry Morgan said...

Typo - year or two

Anti-gag said...

Hi Morg,

You said:
"And you're getting no anonymous comment from me. I'm lots of things, many of them bad, but liar isn't one of them."

I say:
At no time did I mean to suggest, or even for one second think, that you were posting anonymously on the Lancaster blog.

As for the rest of your comments we'll have to wait and see, but to me this has all the hallmarks of an attempt to fog the issue. We should however both keep an open mind on this one.

From
Chris Hill
(Lancaster)

Sir Henry Morgan said...

Lawsuits have started in America. Obama's Evironment advisor has been implicated by the Canadian press. A U.S. senator is setting up an official enquiry into the IPCC ... going to be bigger than Watergate.

Sir Henry Morgan said...

India, China and Russia are suspected to be having some hi-power minds studying the code and the data right now. And expected to use all the chicanery they find to tell the West exactly where to get off at the Copenhagen Treaty. May as well abandon the conference now.

yaz