Wednesday, 17 June 2009


There’s a police officer in the news today, and in trouble over having done some blogging (and first class it was too). He blogged under the name of ‘Nightjack’. Here is one of the things he got into trouble over – advice for those who come into contact with the law. Read it, copy it, file it, learn it and remember it.

From Nightjack’s blog:

In these days of us increasingly having to deal with law abiding folk who have fallen foul of the “entitled poor” and those who have learned how to use us to score points and exact revenge, I thought it would be a good idea to give out a bit of general guidance for those law abiding types who find themselves under suspicion or under arrest. It works for the bad guys so make it work for you.

Complain First

Always get your complaint in first, even if it is you who started it and you who were in the wrong. If things have gone awry and you suspect the cops are going to be called, get your retaliation in first. Ring the cops right away and allege for all you are worth. If you can work a racist or homophobic slant into it so much the better.

Make a counter allegation

Regardless of the facts, never let the other side be blameless. If they beat you to the phone, ring anyway and make a counter allegation against them. Again racism or homophobia are your friends. If you are not from a visible minority ethnic culture, may I suggest that that the phrase “You gay bastard” or similar is always useful. In extremis allege sexual assault. It gives us something to bargain with when getting the other person to drop their complaint on a quid-pro-quo basis. This is particularly good where there are no independent witnesses. When it boils down to one word against another and nobody is ‘fessing up, CPS run a mile and you, my friend, are definitely on a walk out

Never explain to the Police

If the Police arrive to lock you up, say nothing. You are a decent person and you may think that reasoning with the Police will help. “If I can only explain, they will realise it is all a horrible mistake and go away”. Wrong. We do want to talk to you on tape in an interview room but that comes later. All you are doing by trying to explain is digging yourself further in. We call that stuff a significant statement and we love it. Decent folk can’t help themselves, they think that they can talk their way out. Wrong.

Admit Nothing

To do anything more than lock you up for a few hours we need to prove a case. The easiest route to that is your admission. Without it, our case may be a lot weaker, maybe not enough to charge you with. In any case, it is always worth finding out exactly how damning the evidence is before you fall on your sword. So don’t do the decent and honourable thing and admit what you have done. Don’t even deny it or try to give your side of the story. Just say nothing. No confession and CPS are on the back foot already. They forsee a trial. They fear a trial. They are looking for any excuse to send you home free.

Keep your mouth shut

Say as little as possible to us. At the custody office desk a Sergeant will ask you some questions. It is safe to answer these. For the rest of the time, say nothing.

Claim Suicidal Thoughts

A debatable one this. Claiming to be thinking about topping yourself has several benefits. If you can keep it up, it might just bump up any compensation payable later. On the other hand you may find yourself in a paper suit with someone watching your every move.

Always always always have a solicitor

Duh. No brainer this one. Unless you know 100% for sure that your mate the solicitor does criminal law and is good at it, ask for the Duty Solicitor. They certainly do criminal law and they are good at it. Then listen to what the solicitor says and do it. Their job is to get you off without the Cops or CPS laying a glove on you if at all possible. It is what they get paid for. They are free to you. There is no down side. Now decent folks think it makes them look like they have something to hide if they ask for a solicitor. Irrelevant. Going into an interview without a solicitor is like taking a walk in Tottenham with a big gold Rolex. Bad things are very likely to happen to you. I wouldn’t do it and I interview people for a living.

Actively complain about every officer and everything they do

Did they cuff you when they brought you in? Were they rude to you? Did they racially or homophobically abuse you? Didn’t get fed? Cell too cold? You are decent folk who don’t want to make a fuss but trust me, it pays to whinge and no matter how trivial and / or poorly founded your complaint there are people who will uncritically listen to you and try and prove the complaint on your behalf. Some of them are even police officers. Nothing like a complaint to muddy the waters and suggest that you are only in court because the vindictive Cops have a grudge against you. Far fetched? Wait until your solicitor spins it in court and you come over as Ghandi.

Show no respect to the legal system or anybody working in it

You think that if you are a difficult, unpleasant, sneering, unco-operative and rude things will go badly for you and you will be in more trouble. No sirree Bob. It seems that in fact the worse you are, the easier things will go for you if, horror of horrors, you do end up convicted. Remember to fake a drink problem if you haven’t developed one as a result of dealing with us already. Magistrates and Judges do seem to like the idea that you are basically good but the naughty alcohol made you do it. They treat you better. Crazy I know but true.

So there you go, basically anything you try and do because you are decent and staightforward hurts you badly. Act like an habitual, professional, lifestyle criminal and chances are you will walk away relatively unscathed. Copy the bad guys, its what they do for a living.

Good advice – especially if you get pulled for things you do in support of the party and its aims.



Anti-gag said...
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Anti-gag said...
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Anti-gag said...

Dear Morg,

You missed out one important point: If arrested do not accept police bail! 24 hours charge me or release me, and (unless you have a court order allowing you to keep them), return my possessions.

Then seek legal advice about action for wrongful arrest and detention. You can also use the police complaint procedure, but get legal advice first (you have 12 months to lodge a complaint against the police using their own procedures).

The main point is don't let the police keep you on bail for months or even years (ask Sadie Graham or Tony Bamber if you think I'm exaggerating the time).

Don't panic, stay calm, sit it out in the cell, then get redress through the courts.

Remember in general most Bobbies on the beat are decent. Don't blame the decent hard working coppers for their brownie pointing bosses. You only have to put up with these people for 24 hours max, the poor old decent copper has to put up with them every working day of their lives.

Chris Hill

red said...

wasnt it wonderful to see all the BLACK players for ENGLAND tonight

Lanky Patriot said...

What was that at Red?
I've no idea what you are talking about.
I concentrate on what matters, the future of our country so playing anything to me is a waste of time. Perhaps it is why I know more than you.
Playing at annoying you though is fun, although perhaps a bit one sided as I always win.

Anti-gag said...

I've just had a Bcc email from Michael Easter, criticising Griffin for his statement condemning the violence in Belfast against the Romanian Gypsy families. Now although I'm not a big Griffin fan, I do think his statement was just what was needed to prevent the media trying to tie the BNP up with this disgraceful act of mob violence.

Griffin acted quickly and decisively in condemning this attack, and in doing so may have saved the party from a lot of totally unjustified criticisms, and Mr Easter should recognise that fact. Sometimes it seems to me that when Griffin does manage to get something right (as with his latest statement), we're so use to shooting ourselves in the foot that someone just has to do it for him.

You won’t hear me say this very often, but well done Mr Griffin.

Chris Hill

Andrew said...

You opine "wonderful" over black footballers do you red? Why don't you go to Somalia, West Africa, Zimbabwe or SA for your holidays?

While there, you can be celebrating diversity and being inclusive (cottaging).

red said...

What a wonderful England under 21 football team we have. The whole team played well. amazing how many very good black players we now have. long may it continue andrew. how sad are you?

Lanky Patriot said...

I praise anybody who excells at anything even though it is as unimportant as a game.
Perhaps Red can direct me to people of excellence in scientific disciplines who are black or Asians who are good at running or swimming or even this football game.
Give credit where it is due.
Tell me Red why do you have such a thing about race. It's you who keeps going on about "blacks". Is that not racist.
All we say is that they are British citizens but not English any more than I am a Zulu