"WORKLESSNESS"

A number of years ago when I went to the local corner shop to purchase a pint of milk, a small bread loaf, 1lb of potatoes, a couple of carrots, a small onion and a lads mag to boot! The new attractive female shop assistant at the counter said: "Oh! you must live on your own?"

I replied: "Yes! How did you guess?"

She said: You're an UGLY git!

Charming!

In the latest edition of Borough Life, a quarterly publication of Wigan Metro's propaganda onslaught to highlight what a wonderful job the boys and girls from our council's Elliot Brown 'newspeak' fraternity have achieved; was a lovely article on page 14, titled " Getting Wigan Back to Work!"

Now, below are the very words that thrusts this article smack between the eyes!

Borough Life begins: IT USED TO BE CALLED UNEMPLOYMENT. THESE DAYS IT IS KNOWN AS "WORKLESSNESS!"

To be honest I am totally flummoxed with the above re-wording of unemployment! Can anyone enlighten me please?

Boasting that a MAJOR conference in Wigan recently highlighted two key tasks for the borough - removing the barriers to work or training and encouraging more people to set up their own businesses.

The conference took place against the backdrop of a warts and all (no doubt GENITAL! Ed.) survey of the borough's economy by economic forecasters Experian.

It goes on to say that: they predicted that Wigan, because of it's manufacturing and construction traditions, would fare worse than places like Salford and Manchester which have a more varied economy!

No S**t Sherlock?

It also goes on to say: In the medium term there will be modest growth - but not before a dip this year and next year which will continue to have a big impact on jobs till 2014.

Now, apart from a photo of a good looking local lass who runs an "environmental consultancy" mid-way through the page, the next article slaps me around the chops!

" Shopping for skills and jobs"

Now please bear with me on this, and lets skip the inevitable and stay focused? But, Anthony Mohammed, has set up the council's skill shop and a new one has just opened in Wigan's Grand Arcade.

He continues: These unique places 'one stop shops' for jobs, education and training. they offer personal support and individuals even have their own adviser.

The new shop, which will be open weekdays as well as Thursday evenings and Saturdays, builds on the success...........blah......blah.......blah.........

He added: "We want the shop to be friendly and attractive place to visit and get the help they need. It's very EXCITING to be in the heart of a popular shopping centre and ALREADY WE 'VE HAD 500 VISITORS in such a short space of time."

If someone is popping in to town, can they please get me an off the peg Warehouse Managers job about 30k, a pack of streaky bacon, half a dozen eggs and a small packet of frozen peas!

Cheers, I'll sort you out when you get back!